Dysfunction in D/s

Well I think we all know who did it. Duh. I guess you never really know someone- he seemed like a cool guy.

But I agree L. Extremely well written. Very moving. I hope you feel better soon, girl.

We do? Who?

while I am all about being supportive of Lilwhip when she is suffering, I believe you two are missing the point of the article. And that is that there are people in this lifestyle for the wrong reason. Therefore we should all examine our motives carefully when getting involved. Failure to do so could be extremely damaging to those involved.

Lil that was a great article. I'm so sorry you were hurt though. I hope someone better comes along for you soon.

Lilwhip I am so sorry you had to go through that. I can totally understand how stuff like that can happen and not just in D/s but in regular vanilla life too so I hope this hasn't scared you off the scene for good because you're gonna make some more deserving Dom/Domme really happy someday.

oh and yeah you are an awesome writer

WOW. I cried when I read that. I hope you are doing better Lil and great article. Rawburner is right don't let this scare you of the lifestyle

Hello All,

Although I thank you kindly for your supportive words... I have two things to say:

1. Remember it takes two to tango. This was not "done to me"... I'm a big girl and I make my own decisions. And that's all any of you need to know about it.

2. afernandez is correct in that you need to go past the personal experience related in this article and see the bigger message. All of you who have been reading my work for the last couple years know that while I often use personal experience in my articles to illustrate a point... there is a point to be made and that is the crux of the article, not the experience itself.

It is important in D/s to be able to see yourself, and the other person, with a clear eye at all times. It's important as a submissive to keep an innate sense of self worth despite the excitement and intense satisfaction of submitting. Remember, as someone very dear to me said once... that you ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. Choose wisely. Choose for YOUR OWN HAPPINESS... Not for someone else.
And it's important for Dom to remember that submission is a gift- not to be taken lightly- not to be taken advantage of- and not to be thrown under the bus as expendable when things go sour. Domination is a responsibility even during casual play.

That's all I have to say on this. If you would like to speak more about these points in the forums, I would welcome your comments... but there will be no further speculation on my personal life- any further posts of this nature will be deleted.

Again, thanks for your support.

Well said Lil.

I understand the points you make in your article. I think it's easy to get lost in the other person even in a vanilla relationshp. I think D/s is vanilla on steriods when it comes to that stuff and you have to be extra careful to remember who you are and pay attention to what is good for you

yes MA'AM!! I love it when Lil gets fiesty like that. Lil if ya want feel free to come beat on me any time! I'll be your doormat baby! wipe yor feet on me!

LOL DAVID! You are incorrigible. Thank you, I needed a good laugh.

You made every point I wish I could have made in my other failed posts.  I loved your article.  In fact you were recommended to me by a friend and you are the reason I continue to read articles on this site. 

Thank you Redrobin. That's a wonderful compliment. I'm glad you enjoyed the article and appreciate your continued patronage of the site.

Wow, great article and it touched on a lot of really good issues, ones that are dealt with in all aspects of life.  While reading it I was able to reflect on my experiences as a sub, where I am also one that likes to jump head first, and completely commit myself to something.  What I learned quickly is that if you have a certain personality (especially and addictive one) you are placing a lot of trust in that person, and then if your relationship is connected more then just the Dom/Sub role then that trust goes even deeper.  My wife and I struggle with the question;  Can any of this be more then just “a part” of our lives or can this be the “center piece” of it?  We have agreed it can if you are with the right person, who can help you balance.  If you are with the wrong person, then it does not matter what the two of you are doing, (feeding the hungry) that person is going to have a negative impact on your life and your experience is not going to be healthy.  So don’t’ give up Lil Whip or anyone as a Dom or Sub who has doubts about submerging yourself into this with your partner.

Hello newbees127,

Thanks for the comments. I couldn't agree more that addictive personalities have a tough time in the BDSM world. And you are correct that with the right partner, and some careful monitoring of your own behavior, this can be controlled so the interaction remains healthy.

I do wonder if what you are describing though is few and far between... especially when you get into a 24/7 situation. I personally believe that a sub (any sub) cannot experience a 24/7 deep submission without developing feelings for their Dom that go far beyond just D/s, which complicates things further- especially if those feelings are not returned.

Anybody out there in similar situations (one of you has an addictive personality) who have managed to have a good, long, healthy D/s relationship?

Lilwhip